Trying to Better Myself

I’ve always been someone whose struggled with body image. Even as a young kid I can remember picking out every little detail I thought was wrong with myself, or comparing myself to someone else my age.

I can remember wanting to be as skinny as the older girl across the street. I can remember wanting to be able to run like my best friend Eric. Or be as athletic as my other friend Lauren. I remember feeling even worse when I became the “chubby one” compared to my three siblings. As I got older I began to imagine myself in a different light. I started to feel confident with myself and my body- until we got to that age where your friends begin to point out everyone’s flaws. I can remember the moment when a friend and I were at the local book store and she pointed out a girl to me and began negatively commenting on her weight. I remember how sick I felt joining in on the conversation agreeing with her. In reality this person was smaller than I was, and gorgeous. I was probably 11 or 12. That moment was the moment I decided to work on loving myself and others around me.

No 21, the task isn’t an easy one. As the years have gone on, my weight and confidence have fluctuated.Some days I feel empowered, beautiful, and confident. Other days I feel gross, unwanted, and fat- this has become the more common of the two. Especially recently.

As summer has started I’ve begun to fall into a deeper mindset of hate towards myself and my body. Its somewhere I’ve been before, somewhere I know a lot of people have struggled with. I used to sit and stew in my dislike until someone else would knock me out of it, or something would remind me I was better than that. This time, however, felt different. In December I returned to Minnesota feeling great about myself. It was probably the best I felt in years. And then school started again. I wasn’t walking as much, I was juggling two jobs and five classes, I barley had a social life anymore, all the food was upsetting my stomach, and I began to gain all the weight and bad thoughts about myself back.

This summer however, I’ve decided to try and push those thoughts away, to focus on the good things about myself, but to also better myself. I’ve started a 30 day challenge app on my phone that keeps me motivated and empowered to keep working out.I still eat what I want, but living on my own has helped me to watch what I’m eating better and control how much crap food I actually consume.

Being a chubbier person hasn’t affected me much until this year. But having the support of friends and family, working to better myself, and continuing to push myself has helped me fall back into healthier thoughts and actions.

Remember you are never alone in your struggles, and there are several people out there going through the same thing as you. But feeling better about yourself starts with you and ends with you. Don’t be afraid to reach out to those who are willing to help. Each small step to feeling better about yourself is an incredible step no matter how small.

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